Gettin' Cozi...

I have a bit of a confession to make...
I am virtually incapable of organization and time managment.
Maybe "virtually" is the wrong word...

Ah, yes. Absolutely.

I am ABSOLUTELY incapable of organization and time management. I have tried EVERYTHING (short of that brain transplant surgery my husband has been hinting at) to get my life under some semblance of control.

Enter Cozi Central.

Cozi Central is a FANTASTIC website with an online family calendar program...that you can also download (if you have a PC). You can access the online calendar from any computer, anywhere (everything is password protected). And, you don't have to carry anything! What is so clever about an online calendar is that everyone in the family can access it from wherever they are (school, work, home). Everyone can exchange messages, insert calendar events and appointments and even add to the grocery list (which means anyone can print it off and actually DO the grocery shopping!!) You can also sync Cozi with Microsoft Outlook.

I can't tell you how excited I was when Parent Bloggers Network sent out information about Cozi Central! I'm pretty sure that I actually begged to be in on this particular campaign! Because, I need some kind of intervention for my complete lack of both organizational skills and scheduling prowess!!

I anxiously set up the Cozi basics and got to work making some lists (and checking them twice! heh.) I punched in a few appointments, including the Proposal of Dissertation Defense that I just completed YESTERDAY! (and knocked clean out of the park, thankyouverymuch!! Now I get to put "ABD" after my name! Yeah, baby! Feel free to bow down before me!!

Back to Cozi, I also showed my husband how to access and use it. We were off to a magnificent start but...I lasted two weeks. My obstacle was having to be at the computer to modify or add anything. I still think Cozi Central is wonderful, but it is perhaps geared more toward those families where one or more people regularly and frequently have a computer at the ready. (I actually think there are many, many families who fit that description, for whom Cozi Central would be a lifesaver.) But, for me to use the Cozi calendar program successfully, I would need to have a computer always available and at the ready. So that I could get everything into the calendar...before forgetting it or losing the tiny slip of paper upon which it was scrawled for the transfer to the Cozi calendar.

I'll still use Cozi Central, though. For the grocery list function. I have used that aspect quite successfully over the past few weeks. Also, there is a really awesome (like, totally) feature that I haven't tried yet, but expect to love. Apparently, Cozi will actually text-message your Grocery list to your cell phone. How COOL is THAT?! It seems so much like heaven, I can hardly even imagine it...no more lost grocery lists!! Somebody pinch me!

Let's Get Ready...

My children are brilliant. But, I did not need to tell you that, right? I mean, of course they are brilliant...they are mine!! (Heh.)

My oldest son is currently in kindergarten. Heavenly, glorious PUBLIC SCHOOL kindergarten. He surprises me each new day with facts and tidbits of information that I may or may not want to know. He is inquisitive and loves to figure things out. Just this past weekend his magnificent curiosity was featured in a picture in the local paper. My boy...caught in the act of trying to figure out how a bug had found its way into a pipe! (me = swelling with pride)

So, on our recent trip to Manzanita, I made sure to bring along "Let's Get Ready For First Grade!" knowing it would keep him distracted and entertained. But as I reported earlier, the boy is a genius!


My Lobito has been reading the "Let's Get Ready for First Grade!" book for almost 2 weeks. When I looked through the book initially, I assumed that it would be something that we would work on together because the concepts seemed to be a bit beyond what he has learned in kindergarten. So, we sat down one night and went through the book. The book easily held his attention, with bright colors and fun pictures (his favorite is the 3 cats singing...). As we worked our way through the book, he had difficulty understanding two concepts: suffixes/prefixes and ordinals. The rest? Well, let's just say that on the way to Manzanita he was Teacher Lobito, thankyouverymuch!

"FAFFI, this is a QUAAARRR-TER. Can you say quarter?"

"Lobito! I'm not a baby!"

"Well then, how much money does two dimes and a nickel make? Huh?! You won't ever know until you listen to me teach you. PAY ATTENTION! This is an 'R,' see? It is a Daddy-'R,' but this book calls it something else that I don't know."

On it went, Teacher Lobito trying desperately to teach his non-compliant little pupil!

Overall, the book was not very challenging for Lobito. This was good, for two reasons. 1) It makes me even more happy with the education that he is getting. 2) Kindergarteners who are almost First Graders need concepts that they can easily master, so that they are never discouraged at learning. Which makes this book....absolutely perfect! It holds his attention, but is not too difficult that he becomes discouraged.

Definitely deserving of an "A."

Cleanliness is Next to...

I was soooo very excited to get a package in the mail several days ago. The package was filled with little goodies. The kind of goodies that I desperately need in my possession.

You see, I'm a mess. Literally. In fact, I consider my level of messiness...an art form.

These? My actual dirty dishes. As ART!! Heh.

I have a great deal to learn about cleanliness, obviously! Although my house could use a good spit-shine, my car was actually crying out to me. Crying. Her name is Bumper and I overheard her whisper "help" to another car recently. It might be due to the books, papers and various articles of clothing stacked high in the back. Or the 15 different kinds of food wrappers cluttering the floor and seats. Or maybe it is the multiple milk-spill stains and dried Cheerios in the nooks and crannies?

My kids love this car. They love her so much that they named her. Yes, Bumper. So, when my bag of goodies arrived, my son leapt and screamed, "Oh yeah! These are for Bumper!!"

{You MUST go see the mom-friendly car cleaning products at Blink's website. Their slogo "Blink and its Done!" is perfect!}

I would like to tell you that the garbage bags (that come with a very cool hanger) and the spill remover wipes and the window spray are easy to use and convenient...but I have not yet had a chance to use them. Because...my children won't let me. The Blink products, all neatly placed in a blue bucket in the back of the car, belong to my children now. And Bumper?

SPOTLESS.

I will let Lobito explain...

Me: So, how do you like the cleaning stuff for Bumper?

Lobito: "They {the Blink products} are super easy to use. I
wiped off the finger-prints from my baby brother and my little sister, and even
the stickers that the Bank Lady gave us. My baby brother likes to put
those on the windows. Oh, and my Mom's coffee drips in the (what's that
thing called Mom?) oh, the cup-holder-thingy. Is it okay if I say
that's really gross? Cuz, mom...that coffee was even STICKY...and there
was a quarter stuck in it...

Me: Um. What else do you like?

Lobito: We can hang the garbage bags up and put all our garbage in
them. But, you can't put them by the baby, cuz he grabs them away...only
put them on the other side by Faffi. And, you can put everything in the
car. They have little holders, even. But I like them in the blue
bucket. Mom? Can I keep cleaning now?

So, there you have it. Easy. Convenient. Superior cleaning. You know what they say... from the mouths of babes!!

(So far he has cleaned Bumper every day. He asked if it could be his "chore." I couldn't refuse him!)

Managing Motherhood, Tip #5

Weaponry.

When I was working as a child & family mental health therapist I learned the importance of quickly establishing rapport with a child. The process taught me how to engage a child in a significant and meaningful way, in order to build trust. So, I carried around my "bag o' tricks" packed with crayons, paper, finger puppets and used some tried and true methods of trust building. The results? Meaningful human connection within a matter of minutes. And, if the child had not been too damaged by other people, immediate trust.

As a mother, I find myself using some of the same skills with my own kids. My oldest son struggled with intense shyness and suffered at the hands of a bully last year in preschool. It took a toll on him and required diligent and intentional questioning, listening and empathy from me. Although it was awful for both of us, I did not know the full extent of his despair through the experience until I saw him blossom into a different person this year... at his new school.

Because my oldest is so shy, he has taught me a great deal about how to tease information out of a reluctant person. I have learned the techniques out of necessity; not only because of my son's personality, but because I am a very, very busy mom. I carry a full teaching load, research, write and still only have about 10 hours of daycare per week. Therefore, I have to make the most of every moment.

So, when I picked up my son from kindergarten last Fall and asked, "how was your day?" or "what did you do today?" or "what fun things did you learn about today?" and I was met with his pat answers of: "it was fine" or "we played" or "nothing, mom!" I was less than thrilled. Consequently, I had to call upon the skills of yesteryear. Wrestle out one or two tricks from the sleeves...

Deployment of Weaponry, #1: Be Wrong.

Me: "Hey, big guy! How was school today?"
L: "Fine, mom."
Me: "What did you learn about today?"
L: "I don't know."
Me: "Wait, wait! Don't tell me! Um, you learned about the letter 'Q,' didn't you?"
L: (appalled look on his face) "What? No! We learned about that letter already!"
Me: "OK, I can get this. DON'T tell me! You learned about 'T,' didn't you?!"
L: (less appalled, more disbelief) "Um, no."
Me: "OK, OK, OK. For sure it was the letter 'N.'"
L: (finally, sympathy) "Mom, you won't get it. You aren't anywhere close."
Me: "Oh, ho, ho. I already know what it is. You learned about 'R.'"

This whole process has two possible endings. 1) I guess the letter; or 2) he can't stand my incorrect guesses for one more second and blurts it out. At which point we have now overcome the first hurdle and he sets about telling me every detail about how they practiced the letter, which words they learned that start with that letter, etc. If he comes to another stopping point, I start another round of glorious ignorance...

Me: "So, what did you do for PE? Wait, wait; don't tell me! It was kick-ball, wasn't it?"

Deployment of Weaponry, #2: Not knowing.

L: "We played this game in PE."
Me: "What was it? Checkers?"
L: "No, it was like a big balloon."
Me: "Did you float up in the air with it?"
L: "No, we sat on it."
Me: "What do you mean, I don't understand."
L: "We flew it up in the air and then we went underneath and sat on it."
Me: "A balloon?"
L: "Yeah, like the ones that float with the basket and the fire that shoots out."
Me: "Oh, like a hot-air balloon!"
L: "Yeah, we puffed it up in the air, ran underneath and all sat on it."
Me: "Oh my god, no way! I used to do that same thing for PE when I was a kid!!"
L: "Nu-uh! Isn't it cool when the balloon slowly falls down. It is like being in a HUGE tent. It was soooo cool. Ben sat next to me and we laughed so hard!"

Muuuuuch better than, "nothing, mom."

Being wrong and questioning from a stance of curiosity or "not knowing," allows me to initiate conversation with my son that goes much deeper, gathers more information about his life and strengthens my bond with him... all during our 10-minute ride home.

Tip #5: Weaponry.

Tags: Communicate with children, talk to kids, bonding with kids, conversation openers, kids and moms

Motherhood, Chaos and Tip #4

Clearly, the "One Monday at a Time" tagline has turned into "whenever I have a spare moment!" Heh.

I must premise this post with the following suggestion: please head over to Blooming Yaya and take a gander at the chaos that is my life... that should provide a nice backdrop for Tip #4!

As I was writing my review post regarding the book "Babyproofing Your Marriage" for Parent Bloggers Network, I realized that I was preaching without practicing. I loved the book for many reasons, but the point in the book that hit closest to home for me was "Relax don't do it." In the book, the authors invite mothers to join a call to inaction. A "letting yourself off the hook" for not maintaining a sparkling clean and perfect home just to measure up to the ridiculous Uber-mom standard.

What I took from that was a "relax the sphincter a bit." I have been living this "relax the sphincter" method for the past two weeks. Except that, the sphincter has become so loose that the house has become a complete sty. It is bad. B to the A, D. BAD.

The results have not been that I feel more relaxed, or that I have a renewed sense of focusing on what really matters rather than spending too much time cleaning and organizing. In fact, I feel quite the opposite. With the piles of dishes and laundry, toys strewn from one end of the house to the other, yellow toilets, crumbs littering the kitchen floor and sheets that haven't been changed for well over the requisite 3 weeks... I feel trapped in chaos.

I do not mean to imply that the authors of "Babyproofing Your Marriage" meant for anyone to let their house collapse into complete and utter chaos; it was simply that I took it too far. I have not lifted a finger to do more than replace a roll of toilet paper for almost 2 weeks. Granted I have been very busy with other really important stuff, but not so busy that I can justify the current state of my home.

So, today... I cleaned. The kids and I spent a few hours collecting toys, gathering dirty clothes and stripping the sheets off the beds. Before engaging in this ridiculously entertaining task, I realized something. We have waaaaaay too much shit in this house. In particular, too many toys.

We have many plastic storage bins that Trabinski and I use to trade clothes back-and-forth, so I grabbed five of them and headed upstairs. My oldest son spent an hour filling every bin to over-flowing. FIVE BINS. And, we still have many, many toys. But amazingly, the remaining toys fit in the specified toy area. More importantly, the toys feel manageable now.

Which brings me to Tip #4; get rid of the stuff.

Evaluate it and be honest with yourself. Is it too much? Are you always picking up the same throw pillows every single day? Are there too many pillows on your bed... that always end up in a pile on the floor? Do you have 322 pairs of shoes piled in every corner of your closet? Or 19 pairs of pants that you never wear? Get rid of it. Take it to Goodwill, Salvation Army or your Church Charity. You can be certain, someone else will put it to good use.

Likely, the result will be a sense of relief. And... fewer things to pick up!

A Little Inspiration

A friend of mine passed this on to me the other day. I loved it so much and was inspired to remember what really matters, so thought I'd pass it on to you. I hope you are a bit inspired too. :)



Attitude

There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today!"

So she did

and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.

"H-M-M," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today!"


So she did

and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.

"Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."

So she did

and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"


Attitude is everything.

Be kinder than necessary,

For everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live simply,

Love generously,

Care deeply,

Speak kindly.......

Leave the rest to God

With love

Schedules & Menus & Chore Lists - Oh My!

Although winter continues its course day after day up here in the North, we are changing seasons in the Trabinski household!!

For approximately 4+ years now, I’ve taken a hiatus from my teaching career to be home with my young-uns. Some days (years) I threw up my hands at motherhood, put on my “But I AM a professional!” hat, and bolted out the door in search of Perfect Balance. I wanted a part-time teaching job that would allow me to be home most of the week with my children, yet still feel like I could speak in complete intelligent sentences at least part-time. It just never worked out that way. Serious budget cuts in our district over the past 5 years have caused buckets of teachers to continue to lose their jobs each year.

I struggled with really WANTING to be home with my kids, but feeling like I completely SUCKED at stay-at-home motherhood. I think most days I’m a good mom, but the rest of the stuff that comes with it: laundry, cooking, errands, bill-paying, paperwork, and all other things that cross your path on a daily basis – I SUCK at. My picture of staying home with my kids was like, play-dates, mornings at the park, baking together, etc. There was not a hint of that “other” list in my romanticized dream of stay-at-home motherhood. I don’t know why – perhaps I chose to block it out – pretend it wasn’t there. I found myself feeling depressed many days because I was O V E R W H E L M E D with all that had to be done and I felt like it shouldn’t feel like Rocket Science to do it. Combine that with feeling like I should be with my kids on play-dates, at the park, and baking – and you’ve got a very overwhelmed mom with tremendous guilt. Sound familiar?

I tried to enlist help from my husband, tried to get the kids on a chore-list schedule, tried, tried, TRIED. Sometimes a week would go by and it worked. I’d be so excited that we’d found the answer. But a week later I was back where I started – too much to do and - no help. Some people told me “It’s just like that when you have little ones.” Others tried to lend advice, “Why don’t you just make a chore list for your kids?” : Concern from others was appreciated, but only overwhelmed me more.

Although I don’t think there ever will be “the answer” that works for everyone, I seemed to have stumbled upon a system that (knock on wood) has been working for 2 weeks now!! :) That’s big for me so I wanted to share it with you. I sort of have the philosophy that finding balance is like trying to stop smoking – it’s going to take several tries, and trying different methods before you find what works.

Managing Motherhood Tip #2: Confront the Chaos
(Try ANYTHING!!)

Here’s my 14-day chaos-free and counting method:

Write out your own schedule –
complete with playtime with the kids, planning/making meals, snacks, etc, errands, everything. I found when you keep track of all that you actually do – it’s amazing. It was for me and it was helpful for my husband to see too. (And remember in a paid job, you are required to take a break at least every 3 hours!)

Make a list of ALL chores –
things like taking the car in for check-ups, arranging for babysitters, kids’ music lessons, etc. It will be a pretty lengthy list for certain.

Sit down with your family and divvy them up –
with your personal schedule in hand so you can see what’s doable and what’s not.

Post them –
where everyone will see them every day. I thought I had a “flexible” schedule as a SAHM, so I took on more than what I had time for. What happened was that quality time with kids, husband, and myself got pushed to the bottom of the pile - and smothered.

In our Family Chore Chart, we have grouped some things together to make it easier to remember – we’ve also chosen to alternate weeks instead of days. It was the Shrink’s (husband’s) idea to do this and believe me – a n y t h i n g - to make it more doable for both of us was a welcomed idea for me.

With this new system in place, here’s what I’ve found:

I have help!!
I am no longer in charge of EVERYTHING outside of the Shrink’s office. When we both do our part, I have noticed that we also both feel more encouraged to help the other out with his/her work if we have time.

Our house is tidy!!
Although my kids still grumble about tidy-time, I’m not the only one trying to remember it and enforce it, so they realize it is a family thing. It is becoming a habit for them and the grumbling is short-lived.

Everyone is happier!!
Waking up to a tidy home, clean clothes in our drawers, ideas for meals posted with groceries in the fridge, makes for smoother transitions and way less reason for conflict.

Please click the hyperlinks to find examples of my Family Chore Chart and my Weekly Menu Template. Feel free to take what you want from them; you should be able to cut and paste them into a Word document so that you can configure and edit them to fit your specific needs. Or use them as a springboard to help you build your own system.

I hope these lists and charts will be helpful to you in some way!

This new season of Collaborated Effort sends those winter blues right out the door at our house. Good luck with yours!

Be sure to keep us posted on how it’s going and share your own tips with us!!

Tags: Motherhood, Family Chores, Chore Chart, Weekly Chores, Weekly Menu, Menu Template, Time Management Tool