Depression and Motherhood ~or~ The Torture Chamber

I have done a wee bit of research on depression and stress as experienced by first-time parents, particularly first-time mothers. Since the majority of those who read this little blog are mothers, I thought you might find the information useful.

I have written a few papers and am also using depression as a variable in my dissertation, so I have gathered some 200 research articles focusing on depression in women. If you are a mother, you will not be at all surprised with what I have gathered.

Women are over-represented in all cases of formally diagnosed Major Depression (and all other mood disorders: Anxiety, Dysthymia, Panic attacks.). This is probably due to the fact that we "internalize" our feelings rather than "externalize" them. Men are more likely to "externalize" their feelings, which means that they are more often diagnosed with aggressive disorders like Oppositional Defiant, Conduct Disorder, Sociopath, Antisocial. All of this may be because of our socialization, our biology, or both. (Many theories abound!)

While women are more likely to experience depression, there are categories of "woman" that help to focus in on who, among women, are most at risk for depression. The most common assumption is that teenagers are most at risk, but there is a great deal of literature that challenges that assumption. Once the label of "woman" is broken down into categories, usually by the role each woman occupies, another group emerges as most at risk.

Mothers.

First-time motherhood is extremely challenging. Approximately 10% of mothers will experience Post-Partum Depression and up to 80% of mothers will experience Baby Blues. The most common cited reasons for any Post-natal Depression is: lack of marital support, sleep deprivation, feelings of inadequacy and lack of social support. The risk of depression among first-time mothers is compounded by: a too short, non-existent or unpaid maternity leave, isolation, inequality of the distribution of household chores and if the mother works outside the home…an unsupportive work environment.

However high the risk for depression among first-time mothers, it is even higher for women who have 3 or more dependent children (this usually means children under age 6), the risk increasing drastically with each additional child. Add to this mix "daily hassles" and you have identified the women most at risk for depression. (Although there is some research that suggests by including the variable “single mother” the risk is even higher.)

Again, this woman is: mother to 3 or more dependent children, sleep deprived, not supported at work, not supported emotionally by her partner, finds the distribution of household/childcare responsibilities to be unfair or unequal (this is true whether or not she works outside the home) with a high number of "daily hassles" (which means any kink in the routine, such as: a flat tire, a broken dishwasher, out of toilet paper, no formula in the house, etc.). Are you surprised by this information? Neither am I.

That woman that I just described?
I, am that woman.

Although I agree with the general findings, I believe that sleep deprivation is the most important variable to consider. I also believe it is the most detrimental.

Research suggests that 80% of all illness and disease has a stress component. This is also true with psychological difficulties and emotional problems…many of which are related to stress. The effects of sleep deprivation look exactly like depression. This is likely why it is one of the top correlating variables to Post-natal depression. But it is also why sleep deprivation is cited as a precursor to relationship difficulties and a higher sensitivity to conflict with a partner or spouse.

Do you know what sleep deprivation does to a person? Have you seen The Machinist? Do you know that sleep deprivation is one of the most common forms of torture? It is one of the "acceptable" forms of torture at Guantanamo. Do you know why? Because it is highly effective as a means of “breaking” someone.

A method of torture! Torture that most every mother must endure for 3 months to 6 years or more of her life. That woman that I described above? Guess what happens to her as soon as her number of dependent children decreases (meaning that they start 1st grade, start daycare full-time)? Her depression steadily decreases. Disappears, even.

Sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture for a reason. It messes with you. It can drive you crazy. It can cause Depression. Perhaps it is Depression. It can also make you hallucinate, can lead to psychosis (remember Andrea Yates? She was diagnosed with PPD with a heaping side-dish of Psychosis. How many young, dependent children did she have?).

Why am I telling you this? Certainly not to condone Andrea Yates' actions. My purpose is to explain to you that what you are experiencing, if you happen to be a mother who is sleep deprived, depressed…or both, is a natural by-product of motherhood. I know you love your kids, that you absolutely treasure your beautiful, fat baby. But I also know that you likely feel trapped in a torture chamber on some days.

Those late night feedings, diaper changes, night-frights, hour long rocking sessions…if you can do all (or any) of those things and never experience some of the repercussions of sleep deprivation…well, you might not be human. Or you are exceptionally blessed with a high tolerance for torture!

Managing Motherhood Tip #1: Get more sleep.

Explain to your husband/partner the effects of sleep deprivation (particularly how it relates to your relationship with them: decreased libido, higher sensitivity to conflict. Explain that by you getting more sleep…you might like them more!!). Then ask them to take over all childcare responsibilities for a few nights each week. Or ask them to let you sleep in on the weekend. Demand it. If there is no one to give you support in this area (your mom, or a close friend who will come to your house and watch the baby while you catch a nap), most mid-sized towns and large cities have a childcare respite program of some sort. Check into it.

If none of this works…start asking people what they did to get their baby to sleep through the night, ask your pediatrician, ask people you trust...and then try the method that fits best with your personal parenting philosophy.

I eventually brought my first baby to my bed. He slept better because he felt safer and I slept more because he woke up less frequently. But that approach does not work for everyone. Nor does it work for me all the time…now that I have three kids that want their Mommy beside them through the night!

How about you? How did you start getting more sleep? Or how are you coping with sleep deprivation? Share. Someone will benefit from what you have to say.

Do you have a question for Managing Motherhood? Please send your questions to the Mommy Management team. We will do our best to provide answers, direct you to resources, or simply lend a sympathetic ear!

Although today is not Monday...from this point forward Managing Motherhood: One Monday at a Time will post new "managing tips" each Monday.

Come back next week for: how to divide the household chores with your spouse/partner. You don’t want to miss this one!

Thanks for stopping by!

Tags: Motherhood, depression, stress, sleep deprivation, first-time mother